May the Farce be with you

18 12 2007

Ram Narain was shitting bricks. He knew that Rathore would see right through the lies that were part of the cover up ploy. It seemed just like yesterday, when Ram Narain being instrumental in bagging this lucrative deal, had got promoted and had rewarded himself with a shiny new sedan. He had known all along that his team was incapable of handling this project but he had given in to the temptation of the big bucks involved.

He remembered telling himself “Anyways, who will know, that we don’t know, no? Eh?”

Now those decisions were coming back to haunt him.

As he walked into Rathore’s cabin accompanied by the two babes who had executed this stupidity to perfection, Rathore could feel his anger rising and he almost looked away in disgust. Was it the effect of the star wars series that he was watching till the wee hours of the morning or did Ram Narain actually look like a ‘Sith Lord’?

Ram Narain was of average height but his flab made him look like a shapeless entity. When he walked, it seemed as if he was floating or a sliding mass of fat moving forward.

Rathore braced himself to listen to what Ram Narain could possibly come up with to explain all this. He was convinced that these babes were the dumbest creatures in at least a few million galaxies, the kind who would feel there was something slightly amiss, even if they got pregnant on a visit to the dentist.

Ram Narain started the conversation as if this was a ‘chai pakoda’ meeting and nothing serious had happened. He had expected that Chai and XL would be in the cabin. He amused himself by thinking of the duo as Chai Pakoda with obvious reference to Chai’s pet name and XL’s figure.

Rathore could feel his anger rising as he listened to Ram Narain trying to coolly wash his hands clean and stating that “I am convinced that we had nothing to do with this accident”.

“If only I had a light sabre, I would challenge you to a duel and cut you up into a thousand pieces” Rathore muttered under his breath.

“I have spoken to my boys and know what your people were up to.” growled Rathore, trying very hard to restrain himself from clobbering Ram Narain.

“Your team has not been able to scale up to the required standard and these two, sitting right here, have executed the crappy code written by your guys and that is the cause of this accident!”
“Rathore Saab, you need to look elsewhere and not at us!! Anyways my people were there only for a couple of minutes as opposed to your guys who call the signals room ‘home’!” Ram Narain hinted that it was Rathore’s team that was responsible.

That was the last straw. The threshold of Rathore’s control was breached. He thundered, “Two minutes is all it takes to screw up a perfectly running system! It is not the time that you spend, what matters is what you do in that period. You know that it was the incompetence of your people that has tarnished the spotless reputation of my team and Bhikshapore Junction as a whole.”

He immediately called Chai and XL into his cabin. The two were waiting in anticipation anyway and were in there in a jiffy.  As they came in, the small beads of sweat on Ram Narain’s forehead started to form a small puddle on the cavity between his cheeks and his nose. Babe#1 and Babe#2 also seemed to sink deeper in their chairs as if waiting to be teleported to another galaxy.

As Chai and XL repeated their version of the story, Babe #1 looked as if she was about to burst into tears while babe#2 seemed to have switched off and had as intelligent a look about her as a three year old in a class of advanced stochastic modelling.

Ram Narain tried once more and said, “Yes, they (Babe# 1 & 2) went into the signals room, but they did not make any permanent change to the system and were only there to take readings!”

“Yes, you need to mess with cables, insert disks and copy code, to take readings!” Chai exploded.

“But, we….just…” started out Babe#1

“You babes have….screwed up…. and you know it!” burst out XL

“Or maybe your code prevented us from the end of the world and the derailment was just a small price to pay for world peace!” chipped in Chai

Rathore’s team was swinging between explosive anger and dry sarcasm.

Rathore gave Ram Narain a final warning, “Own up now; tell us the defect that has caused this mess and we can together find a solution!”

Ram Narain’s voice was now a mere squeak “But…. it was not our fault!!!”

Disgusted Rathore said in a calm voice “It was my mistake to expect gutless people like you to have the balls to admit of your screw up! Now we are going to get the required proof and see to it that you pay for this!”

He then motioned for the Improvtech team to leave. They got up, still in a daze from the blasting they had received; and left.

“Guys, we will need irrefutable proof, so that their charade of innocence is busted and we can take their asses to the cleaners.” said Rathore. XL and Chai knew exactly what they had to do and they went out with a mission on their hands.


In the meantime, BC’s peaceful world of documentation was interrupted by a surprise visit. As Nawab walked in he observed how busy BC seemed. He also knew that he would need to choose his words carefully.

“People just do not understand the importance of documentation!”

BC’s eyes lit up.

“Aah, yoes!” he exclaimed, nodding furiously.

Nawab added “Had proper documentation and processes been followed, none of this mess would have happened”.

“Oh, yoes” chimed in BC.

Nawab knew that he now had BC eating out of his hands. He felt all powerful. He too had watched the series of star wars all night and had taken a liking for the ‘Dark side’. The power associated with it made him feel good. He conjured up the image of himself as Anakin Skywalker and he was confident that he would not loose any duel. He was too smart and cunning to let that happen.

He told BC, “I know you need to send a report for this accident urgently and you need to appoint an impartial investigator.  I am in charge of the security here and can do this investigation for you. I know that you have taken utmost care in reporting every possible detail and I will take care to mention that in my report.”

BC felt relieved now, much like taking a long healthy leak after holding back for half a day. Ever since Rathore had barged into his office, he was afraid that the blame of this accident would somehow fall on him.

“Nawab understands the sincerity with which I follow all procedures, he is the correct person to investigate” he said to himself.

But did he have the authority to take decisions?  He had not taken any decision for a long time and was unsure of whether he was authorised to do so.

He decided to ask Apte. “Oi bhill tok to Opte Shob and let you know. Hokay?” is what he told Nawab.

Nawab smiled, “Ok, we must follow all the procedures” he said, and left BC’s office.

As he was walking towards his cabin, he said to himself “Man! Now that was a piece of cake!”




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